23 Jun How To Never Worry If Your Husband Will Cheat Again
“Once a cheater, always a cheater”. Has this phrase been playing through your mind like a broken record ever since you discovered your husband was unfaithful?
If so, it’s time to change that record.
In this blog post, I’ll guide you through three powerful steps that will help you dispel the fear of infidelity recurring in your relationship once and for all.
Living with the Fear of Infidelity
Living in the shadow of another potential betrayal is agonizing. It can lead you to constantly scrutinize your husband’s every word, action, or glance, looking for signs of deceit. This state of anxiety can be suffocating, creating invisible barriers that stand in the way of rebuilding your marriage.
When you’re always preparing for the worst, even joyful moments are tarnished by fear. You distance yourself, afraid to embrace love or let yourself be loved, in case it’s all taken away again.
This reaction is natural, but it’s also harmful, turning your marriage into a disconnected routine.
You’re not alone in this struggle, and the narrative I’ve just painted doesn’t need to be your reality. I’ve worked with countless women, helping them transform their marriages into respectful, loving partnerships where the fear of infidelity is a thing of the past.
Let me share some of my experience with you.
Journey To Freedom: Breanna’s Story
This is the story of one of my clients, Breanna. Her husband’s betrayal left her feeling paralyzed by fear, unable to express herself or chase her own dreams. She felt stuck in a never-ending cycle of doubt and insecurity, constantly wondering if her husband would be unfaithful again.
But that was only the tip of the iceberg.
The biggest challenge she faced was losing her sense of self-worth. Gradually, she started questioning her own values and began to believe that she didn’t deserve love or respect from anyone. This mindset slowly crept into every corner of her life, affecting her personal relationships and career.
That’s when Breanna and I started working together. Within just eight weeks, she experienced a remarkable shift. She began prioritizing her needs, establishing healthy boundaries, and rekindling her passions. Most importantly, with her rediscovered self-worth, the fear of future infidelity was no longer a haunting presence in her life.
3 Steps to Overcome the Fear of Infidelity
Now, let’s explore the three fundamental steps to conquer this fear and lay a new foundation for your marriage built on mutual trust and respect.
Step 1 – The Constant Surveillance: Is it Really Helping?
While this was probably your first instinct after finding out he cheated – and your therapist may have even told you this is a good first step to rebuild trust – it can do more harm than good.
When you’re constantly looking for signs that your husband is still being unfaithful, you’re keeping yourself in a heightened state of alert at all times.
Your nervous system is already taxed trying to process the emotional trauma you experienced since finding out. So this constant detective work just solidifies that feeling of distrust and fear and you can never rebuild trust from this state.
Plus, even if your detective work turns up nothing new, you might feel good for a minute but then you’ll convince yourself that he’s just gotten better at covering his tracks.
Step 2 – Putting Your Healing First: Is Your Life on Hold?
Another common trap I see many women make is putting their life on hold while they wait to see if their husband can prove he’s worth sticking around for. The thought behind this is, he’s the one that messed up so he’s the one that needs to put in the work to fix it.
And while yes, it’s true, there’s a lot of work that needs to be done on his part, putting your life on hold and putting all the control of your future in his hands just doesn’t make sense.
You’re a strong, driven woman who probably never waited around in the past for someone else to determine your future happiness, so why become that person now?
A big part of the healing journey after infidelity is both parties coming together from a place of inner strength and knowing they want to fight to save their marriage.
If you’re holding anger, resentment, and fear within you while waiting to see if your husband will step up, you’re likely going to react out of those disempowering emotions instead of acting from a place of love and understanding.
Step 3 – The Trap of Perfection: Are You Losing Yourself?
In the aftermath of discovering infidelity, many women (myself included) attempt to become the “perfect wife” in the hopes of preventing any future indiscretions. The issue here is that when you disconnect from your authentic self, the very essence that attracted your husband initially is lost.
Try shifting your attention from him to you. Contemplate what YOU want.
What kind of marriage do you want?
How do you want to show up in your marriage?
How do you want to be loved?
You may not be able to alter the past, but you can definitely write your future love story.
Implement these three steps, and you’ll start experiencing the peace and inner happiness you’ve been missing. It’s time to show up for yourself and construct the life and marriage you deserve.
For more insights on rebuilding trust and healing after infidelity, I recommend you check out my recent post called “Can a marriage go back to normal after he cheats?”
Remember, you have the power to heal, grow, and build a stronger, more loving relationship in the aftermath of infidelity.