05 May Saving Your Marriage After Your Husband Cheats: The 3 Biggest Mistakes
Infidelity can leave a devastating impact on any marriage. It’s difficult to know how to navigate the emotional rollercoaster and rebuild the trust that’s been shattered. In this blog post, I will walk you through the biggest mistakes women make after discovering their husband’s infidelity and how to avoid them to give your marriage a fighting chance.
Common Mistakes to Avoid
Here are the three biggest mistakes I see women making after discovering their husband has been unfaithful:
- Trying to change for him
- Showing up as half the person you really are in hopes he’ll continue to pick you
- Trying to fix him
My Personal Experience
For the first two years after I experienced infidelity in my marriage, I focused all my attention and effort on fixing our marriage for him. I thought that if I could just learn enough to teach him how to change, our relationship would be repaired. I researched and booked couples therapy, read books, and highlighted sections for him to read.
Despite all my efforts, nothing seemed to work, and I felt more lost and upset.
In my desperation to fix our marriage, I became obsessed with being the perfect wife. I wore lingerie, made dinner every night, left love notes, and did all the chores with a fake smile, hoping that my actions would somehow mend our broken relationship.
But I was miserable, constantly breaking down in tears whenever I was alone, and I lived in fear that I wasn’t enough.
If you’re in a similar situation, you’re not alone. It’s a natural process to go through after infidelity. But here’s something I wish someone told me back when I was struggling through this dark period in my life…
A Different Approach
You can’t fix your husband. Focusing all your energy on fixing him or being who you think he wants you to be will only distance you further from the connection you once shared. You end up feeling like you’re playing a role in somebody else’s movie instead of having a genuine marriage where you feel confident and loved for being yourself. That’s exactly what happened to me.
This epiphany led me to understand that I needed to change my perspective and adopt a different strategy.
So, I began confronting the truths I had been avoiding for so long. I shifted my focus to what I genuinely desired in my marriage and identified the steps necessary for me to feel secure and confident in myself, regardless of the outcome of my marriage.
Instead of fixating on saving my marriage, I chose to concentrate on healing myself. This decision transformed my entire experience and paved the way for a healthier approach to rebuilding my relationship.
This is the process that changed everything for me…
Releasing Emotional Trauma
The first step in this process is to release the trauma from your body. Emotional trauma has similar effects on us as a long-term traumatic brain injury, yet traditional therapy and healing methods often fail to address this crucial aspect.
Signs that emotional trauma is still controlling your actions and mood include sudden mood swings, anxiety triggered by seemingly unrelated events, obsessive snooping, or constant ruminating thoughts that disrupt your daily life.
To truly heal your marriage, you need to release the trauma cells from your nervous system.
Healing and Moving Forward
Once you’ve addressed your emotional trauma, you’ll start to notice a dramatic difference in your stress and anxiety levels, and you’ll experience a newfound sense of calm and confidence. While it may not be fair that you’re the one picking up the pieces after your husband’s infidelity, you don’t have to suffer any longer.
Prioritize your own healing and explore new methods to help you heal from emotional trauma. Doing so will feel like a massive weight has been lifted, allowing you to breathe and sleep through the night again.
Navigating the aftermath of infidelity is undeniably challenging, but by avoiding common mistakes and focusing on your own healing, you can give your marriage a chance to heal and grow. Remember to put yourself first and explore new methods to help you heal from emotional
If you’d like a deeper dive into the specific methods I used to heal emotional trauma after infidelity, check out my free masterclass below where I outline the full process.